Eggplants and Lamb



Eggplant:  “Hey, can I get a tiny purple pumpkin in the shape of human kidney that tastes like dirt?” Love the color. Hate the taste. I also don’t like what they sound like when you tap on them. If they’re not hollow, why do they sound hollow? Is it some kind of natural defense mechanism? Like an antelope considers eating one and then upon knocking it with its hoof, thinks, “Nope, that’s a conga drum. I don’t eat those.” You’re hiding something, Eggpant, and unless it’s Skittles, I’m out.


Oh my God, no.

Oh my God, no.

Lamb: Nope. There is no way you like lamb. People are always surprised that the lamb they’re eating isn’t giving them an immediate and incurable disease. “Wow, I’m really tolerating this lamb!” Lamb tastes like good meat that has something wrong with it. “Here, try this, it’s like beef, and just as bad for you, but genetically altered to be less savory.” There’s a reason it’s always served with mint:  to drown-out that awful taste. People often refer to it as “gamey” which I’m assuming is foodie code for “This tastes like a giraffe, but I feel cool for ordering it.”

18 Comments on “Eggplants and Lamb”

  1. Eileen says:

    I completely agree with both – they are gag-worthy !

  2. I don’t remember the nursery rhyme as “Mary had a little lamb, and it was yummy!” Lamb can stay on the menu in the Greek restaurants, including a “No, thank you” to Gyros!!

  3. Christina says:

    Oh, gosh. My husband and I had lamb at his brothers and for some reason I was convinced I could make it better….. I’ve had two packs of rack of lamb in my freezer for ten months now :-/ I’m almost tempted to share a picture of the forbidden corner of my freezer.

  4. christina says:

    No way! I love both! The dissenting opinions must not live anywhere near a decent Greek restaurant! Nom! Pass the moussaka and the linguine! Decent Greeks don’t put mint in their food either!!

  5. Erika Lehmann says:

    I’m with you, Christina! Greeks make almost everything taste great, but especially eggplant and lamb and they don’t need any mint jelly to disguise it.

  6. Tara says:

    Hate eggplant! Try lamb in a gyro or at a Mediterranean restaurant – where its blended with other stuff and seasoned well. Pretty good that way. Kinda like “anything tastes good fried” anything tastes good if you mix it with good tasting stuff 🙂

  7. Joel says:

    How could anyone hate on Lamb? Maybe it’s an Australian thing, but I think it would be the most popular meat here.

    You can keep your eggplants though.

  8. christy wisley says:

    I keep thinking I must just be cooking eggplant wrong? Glad to hear other’s don’t like it as well. I’ve tried everything in the book to “like” it. And it’s a terrible process to get it to the cooking stage, with the brining, rinsing, and the drying. Ugh. And lamb does taste like foul beef!

  9. Gina says:

    LOVE both…..I can NOT relate at all! LOL! I am thinking you have never tasted a very well prepared eggplant..or lamb chop…..: )

  10. […] read a blog post recently about how eating lamb is gross (and so is eggplant, but he’s so wrong). I can tell […]

  11. JennSomethingClever says:

    Plus, JESUS CHRIST HAVE YOU EVER MET A LAMB?? How could anyone kill and eat one of those? HOW??

  12. pickles312 says:

    All I know is these musings are absolutely hilarious, Jason! You are very clever and funny, imo. Regardless of whether i am currently “accepting” these foods or not. You have made some valid points that reflect my own thoughts but You put them into words. Thank you! LOL!!!

  13. aimee says:

    Jason! Please write more Food is Gross! My favorite!

  14. lcb says:


    Can we talk about why Onion is not the very first post on this blog? It not only tastes like a sweaty armpit; it’s a also a bully and a total narcissist. Oh, nooooo, other foods. You can’t ever be tasted, because Onion is shouting over you all the time. Onion is an asshole and should be left in the vegetable crisper drawer to attend anger management classes and wither in shame.

  15. Kathy says:

    Where are you…please come back. I’ve read these all (and died laughing for three long years. Please write more😟

  16. Katty says:

    Write more me and my whole family love these!!!!!!!!!!!

  17. Claire says:

    Ours two and the only reason you should stop is if you died

  18. Adara says:

    I remember my mom read me these when I was 6 and I have loved them ever sense

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