Eggplants and LambPosted: May 14, 2013
Eggplant: “Hey, can I get a tiny purple pumpkin in the shape of human kidney that tastes like dirt?” Love the color. Hate the taste. I also don’t like what they sound like when you tap on them. If they’re not hollow, why do they sound hollow? Is it some kind of natural defense mechanism? Like an antelope considers eating one and then upon knocking it with its hoof, thinks, “Nope, that’s a conga drum. I don’t eat those.” You’re hiding something, Eggpant, and unless it’s Skittles, I’m out.
Lamb: Nope. There is no way you like lamb. People are always surprised that the lamb they’re eating isn’t giving them an immediate and incurable disease. “Wow, I’m really tolerating this lamb!” Lamb tastes like good meat that has something wrong with it. “Here, try this, it’s like beef, and just as bad for you, but genetically altered to be less savory.” There’s a reason it’s always served with mint: to drown-out that awful taste. People often refer to it as “gamey” which I’m assuming is foodie code for “This tastes like a giraffe, but I feel cool for ordering it.”