Basil and Pineapples

Basil

Uh huh, we get it — you’re awesome. There’s nothing like fresh basil. OH MY GOD FRESH BASIL. You make women with armpit hair go into a frenzy of orgasms. You are the heirloom tomato of spices. You are a good tasting plant, but you’re still a plant, so stop prancing around like you’re bacon. Settle down and know your place in the pyramid of deliciousness (bottom middle.)

Pineapple
Are you a medieval weapon? I don’t want to be injured by my fruit.  Why do you feel like you need to protect yourself so much? You dont have any predators, so stop pretending like you’re being hunted. Once I get you open, the stuff inside is AWESOME. Holy bejeezus. Are you kidding me with how sweet you are? And that color? I’m a huge fan. Would you consider changing your name, though? It sounds like a room spray and you’re better than that! #realtalk

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11 Comments on “Basil and Pineapples”

  1. Jess says:

    I caught someone at my child’s party trying to take some of my basil. Really?

  2. Amy McKay says:

    You need to go after the Cauliflower. It is the Carbuncle of food. (I may have to trademark that but considering the joy your words give me, I will allow you to use it;))

  3. jasonmgood says:

    Cauliflower already takes a pretty decent beating, but man, it really is nasty.

  4. Yes, go after cauliflower. Even when you can make it taste okay by disguising it, it makes sure to let you know you ate it on the way out.

  5. bethoherbert says:

    Don’t hate on the basil, man. It knows it’s just an herb.

  6. omg…laughing so hard@ stop prancing around like you’re bacon! Thanks for making my working on a weekend a wee better.

  7. Aimee says:

    Please keep blogging. This is amazing.

  8. ruby claire says:

    Now I can’t get the image of gaggles of dreaded women breastfeeding, whilst eating basil, groaning and squirming in ecstasy.


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