Oranges and Papaya

Oranges,

First off, you need to decide how many peels you have. I manage to remove that first layer only to find some gross translucent membrane that I have no clue what to do with. Do I eat that cobweb that surrounds you?  I understand that your insides are so squishy that you need some armor, but I dont want to spend five minutes taking it off only to find that you’re also wearing a full set of old dirty long johns. Look at your cousin, the clementine. That thing is awesome: easy to peel, no surprises.

Papaya,

Here’s something I’ve never thought, “Hey, I’d like to eat something that smells like vomit.” You’re also too big and I like to hold an entire piece of fruit when I eat it (see apple. banana, peach for reference).

You look like a vagina filled with peppercorns. I know that’s harsh, but I’d rather you think of it as tough love. Also,  your name bugs the shit out of me. It’s like you’re trying to prove to everyone how fun you are. You’re a fruit, not a line-dance.

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